Father's Day

The Allred siblings at Spencer and Gentry's wedding - September 2015

On this Father's Day, I want to pay tribute to my four children, Spencer, Benjamin, Rebecca, and Preston, who took care of each other, and also took care of me all during their growing up years. Though they were so blessed to have amazing grandparents, and wonderful aunts and uncles that loved them and supported them, still it was on days like Father's Day, that the emotions could come to the surface, and were often very difficult.

You must forgive

Twenty years ago, as the realization set in that I was facing life alone as a single mother, I stood on the brink of utter despair, feeling a darkness and emptiness that was suddenly tangible. I wept constantly for days and weeks. I began to question my place in this thing called life and I felt a severe pain unlike anything I had experienced before. My memories are so vivid and intense on the one hand, and far away and vague on the other hand. For years, it felt as if I was watching an extremely dramatic movie of someone else’s life.

Full Circle

During one of the last visits I had with John before he passed away, in which he was still lucid and conversing clearly, he began to ask me about death, about heaven, and whether he would be missed after he was gone. As I expressed to him during that conversation, Heavenly Father knows and loves each of us. Heaven is a beautiful place. There is love and forgiveness and understanding. Such expressions of faith and assurance seemed to bring him peace. As he took my hand and cried, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry" over and over, I felt his sorrow and grief for what once was, and what would never be….

A Reflection of Life

In December 2016, my beautiful daughter, Rebecca, received her mission call to serve in the California Rancho Cucamonga Mission for the LDS Church. This was following a year of intense preparation, which included several delays because of her health. After receiving her mission call, she had just 5 ½ weeks to get ready to enter the Missionary Training Center. She and I had an unbelievable time getting everything completed in time for her to begin her missionary service.